The Energy Vampire

Since I started going to college, a lot of weird things have happened to me. My life was pretty much dull in comparison to all the exciting adventures that me and my friends have had, and I suppose a lot of that has to do with the fact that we like going out at like three in the morning!

One day in particular stands out to me (though many are comparably as interesting), and this is a completely true story with as little exaggeration as is possible.

One day, two years ago, we were all eating at Filibertos, one of our favorite dining places (especially late at night), and there was a pretty big group of us. It had just barely turned Saint Patty's day. (To the right is an actual picture at Filibertos) Out of nowhere, this guy who had just ordered a burrito comes around the corner and says, "Fuck all you guys..." We were just talking and having a good time, and we all stopped and looked at this guy like "What?"

My friend Travis was like, "Excuse me?" And this strange man was like, "Oh, don't be so offended." He had some kind of irish/european accent. Looking at him, it was pretty obvious he was drunk, since he had seemingly pissed himself and had vomit on his t-shirt. But  we didn't really know what the hell this guy was all about. Travis was actually playing with his knife (sitting next to me). I wasn't really even taking him seriously and began bantering with the man. Then, he started saying all kinds of crazy stuff like:

"I'm draining your energy."

"Remember: take with left, give with the right."

and

"You're one of my kind."

All I know is that this guy was fuckin' seriously out of his mind. But he left without too much conflict after he got his burrito, leaving us with one final piece of advice which was "Don't worry about my fate, worry about yer own." And then he took his burrito and left.

We didn't see him for the longest time, but eventually my friends ran into him at Filibertos again and said he was completely different that time. His little "take with the left" thing got turned into an funny little handshake we would do with each other, and the energy vampire we met at the taco shop is still one of our favorite stories to tell.

--Koi

The Berskerer

Yesterday was the day it began: The Berserker. "What is it?"you ask Well, my friends and I decided it was time to get in shape and be healthy. We're all planning on heading up to Las Vegas over the summer for our friend's birthday, and we all wanna look good. Basically, that means no more filibertos tacos for me.

In addition to working out and staying healthy, we decided to start up a web series about it, charting weekly progress in a comical video blog. Unfortunately, the blog won't be available for perhaps a week or two due to the fact that our main director/editor is getting some new software to edit the video. But I assure you that when we're done with it, this thing is going to be hilarious! We've only done a couple of videos so far, and already it's hard to sit through any single taping without bursting out laughing (and coincidentally ruining the whole shot!).

Well anyway, let's talk about working out for a minute...

The Experience of Working Out

My friend and I went to the gym about around 5-6pm. It was already pretty late, and after spending an entire day at school (since 5am), I was really in the mood to do something physical. But of course, chances are, we would have gone anyway seeing as how we just started this whole Berskerer thing.

I just want to start off by saying that the gym at school is SO much nicer than that 24 Hour Fitness I used to go to. Like SERIOUSLY! They got racket ball, basketball, treadmills and bikes with their own personal tv each AND cable. In a nut shell, if you can name it, this place probably has it.

Well, we decided to start off with some racket ball. I had never played racket ball before, and frankly, I was pretty excited. We rented some rackets and headed down there to this little glassed-in room. We had no idea how to play, so we simply started
knocking the ball around until we were both thoroughly exhausted. Then, I decided that we should try and figure out the rules. It turns out that racket ball is basically just tennis using half a field. Who knew? However, that in NO WAY means that it's a simple game to play. The concept is pretty simple, but in actually doing it, I find myself confused and lost in trying to figure out which way I should run to try and hit the ball.

We finished up the day with some weight lifting. It's bee several months since I've been to a gym by this point, and frankly, it's been even longer since I've lifted weights. So trying free weights out and doing a bunch of exercises you've never had to do before made it just that much more difficult.

At one point, I was hanging from this leg grip on this downward pointing bench where you're supposed to bench press these free weights at an angle, and I got a LEG CRAMP! I thought that was absolutely ridiculous. I'm suppose to be lifting with my arms, and my leg starts hurting! And withing the first 30 minutes

of exercise, I was just done. I mean, I kept going, but just about every exercise we would do, my arms would fight me all the way. I kept yelling at them, "Lift the f***ing weight!" and instead they'd sit their idle, not raising or falling, while I pushed as hard as I could to continue lifting something I was perfectly capable of lifting only ten minutes prior.

All in all, I woke up with the worst upper-body cramps I have ever had, and I have even found eating a simple cup of yogurt to be an extraordinarily difficult task. I can tell the next three months is going to be filled with a lot of pain.

--Koi